Compulsions based on traumatization and Trauma Therapy!
Despite the tragic effects to this day, affecting especially my two daughters, grandchildren, now my little great-granddaughter and myself ,(see http://www.srf.ch/sendungen/reporter/der-lange-schatten-des-missbrauchs) I am grateful this long-term-damage that plagued me, became more conscious during my training to become an S.E. Trauma-Therapist with Dr. Peter Levine, and was not a more ‘crucially compulsive compulsion Disorder’ than the one I had and still, at times, have. Because my father threatened to murder my mother and me if I spoke, he was not only a cruel child-molesting pedophile but also a potential killer and those were my childhood patterns that I was raised by! Because of my own training the old wounds open less frequently and my own trauma is ‘triggered’ less often. I describe at the end of my new book: ‘I Coudn’t Cry When Daddy Died and hated SEX till I found LOVE’ what that means and relate many of the daily effects and how, before I got married again we had to go to my Art-therapist to, at last, get rid of my disgust of male sexual organs. I could also learn to accept myself as a woman.
When I read true stories like the following it gives me goose-bumps and because all my relationships didn’t work I decided, after two divorces at the age of 63, to leave New Zealand to undergo the 4 years of training with Dr. Peter Levine back in Switzerland. The Story about Doctor Shipman from Yorkshire, where I grew up, convinced me even more as I began to understand what kind of compulsions, the sickness of a Compulsive Disorder Syndrome can cause!
I understood the psychological reason out of which he did this, and shuddered as in my thoughts I underwent similar compulsions but dealt with them by writing my 3rd book: ‘Lilly-White-Black, the monster I could have become.’ In this book, a very lonely little girl brought up by her psychologically damaged parents, cuts off the penis of a little boy and throws it to the swans, to save him from growing up and hurting women with it. Totally mad! Totally de-‘ranged,’ meaning ‘pushed out of the centre!’
Shipman grew up in a working-class family and was the favorite child of his mother Vera. It was his mother who gave him the belief that he was a superior being. This made him come across as arrogant which didn’t win him many friends and left him fairly isolated. When his mother was diagnosed with Cancer of the Lungs he had to watch her suffer and die a slow, long, painful death. He was most probably as relieved as much as she was, every time she was given an injection of morphine. When his mother died, the young Arnold was totally devastated. He subsequently studied to become a doctor … … For a long time he lived the life of a hermit until he met his future wife Primrose and had children. As he worked, many older female patients died under his hands as a medical Doctor. He was eventually summoned to court and found to have murdered 15 patients. In most cases it was found that the patients all had been given an overdose of morphine. After this discovery more bodies of his patients were exhumed and he was finally sentenced for having killed 236 patients during his work as a medical doctor in his time of 24 Years. It was said he had no empathy and no respect for other people’s whishes and didn’t try to keep his patients alive!
In the verdict it was said: Dr. Shipman was addicted to murder.‘
In my eyes he was a teenager stuck at the age and in the time during which he had suffered indescribably as he had to watch his mother die slowly whilst undergoing tremendous pain … …
He must have had a compulsion to relieve his patents pain that he had suffered while his mother died much too slowly … … Or were they not allowed to live because his mother had had to die?